Saturday, March 17, 2012

I saw this little message on Pinterest (my latest addiction) and it really spoke to me.  I have always thought of myself as a positive person, even during the toughest challenges.  It sort of came easy for me, I think, mainly because I was heavily influenced by my mother and grandmother, who were amazing women.  No one could see the silver lining like those two.  Lately, however, I seem to struggle more and more with trying to find the good in things.  I realize some of the change in attitude is that I am still grieving the loss of my father.  Being at this stage of life where my body is changing is also a factor.  The emotional roller coaster of peri-menopause is real, have no doubts. 

Every day there seems to be more bad news.  Another friend has discovered they have cancer, a coworker's husband had a major heart attack, a dear friend is moving across the country.  Remember the tv show "Wonder Woman", with the beautiful Linda Carter?  She had those wickedly cool cuffs on her arms that she could deflect bullets with?  That is how I feel, like I am constantly throwing up my arms to bounce another happiness sucking bullet away.  The bullets are not just events such as those I mentioned, but also new worries that have come along at this stage of life.  Will I be able to afford to retire?  Am I going to end up with lung cancer, too?  Will my job last as long as I need it to?  How will we afford medical coverage it it doesn't? 

Yesterday, I was enjoying a long walk with my dogs and mulling over all the clutter in my head.  This little nagging thought kept trying to pop through, but never would quite make it to the front of the pile.  Last night while tossing and turning during another restless night, that thought was still tickling the back of my brain, again never making it through the other brain clutter.  Stumbling across that saying above this morning apparently opened a gap wide enough in my thought jumble for the little nagging one to spring through.  I am in control of my feelings!  Me and only me has power over my attitude.  No one or no thing can make me feel anything that I don't choose to feel.  So simple!  So hard!  So true! 

I am going to do my best to make those statements my mantra.  I know there are going to be moments, hours and days that it is impossible to be happy, but I am going to really try to look beyond the imperfections as best I can.  I am going to try to put my focus back onto the things that bring me joy.  Experience them, savor them, be thankful for them.  I am going to work hard to find my bliss.  My wish for you is that you can, too.